


Where We Belong

by bluemermaiid



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-16 10:02:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4621170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemermaiid/pseuds/bluemermaiid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Olivia pays Casey a late night visit after the A.D.A. gets suspended. Post-episode 9x19 ("Cold").</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters involved in the story, nor do I have any ownership over the mentioned SVU content. I'd also like to clarify that the whole story happens right after 9x19, so it does include spoilers of this very episode.  
> This is my first real published fic, and it's very dear to my heart, so I hope you guys enjoy it. Feedback is always very welcomed!

Olivia rang the door bell for the third time before sighing and wiping an inexistent drop of sweat from her forehead. Coming here was a big mistake, she decided. She slowly turned away from the door, internally trying to convince herself that she wasn't buying more time so that the door could be answered, but rather thinking it was late and she couldn't wake the whole neighborhood with the sound of her stomping boots. When she reached the first step the key turning sound froze her where she stood and before she could rationalize or stop herself her whole body twirled on her feet just in time to see the languid figure standing by the semi opened door.

"Olivia", she said, surprise not hidden in her tone, "Is everything okay? Did something happen?" her green eyes scanned the detective, observing carefully.

"Oh, no, no. Nothing happened". Olivia paced towards the door, hands in pockets and words she had thought of over and over so many hours ago lost somewhere in the time between when she got there and when the other woman's husky voice filled the silent midnight air.

"I'm glad nothing happened. I got worried when I saw you. You don't usually pay me late night visits". Olivia wasn't sure if her tone indicated a hint of bitterness or if it was just being matter-of-factly, she chose to read it the first way.

"I just wanted to check on you, Casey. Know how you are. After everything that's happened..." her voice died along with her line of thought. Olivia Benson had no idea what else to say and she just wished from inside her core that Casey Novak just invited her in and put her out of her misery of standing in the middle of the hallway and not knowing what to do or say. This was not a conversation for standing up, the detective affirmed to herself, but then again, it was probably neither a conversation for that time, specially considering the fact she appeared uninvited and had never been there previously.

"That's very nice of you, Olivia". If she noticed the other woman's awkwardness and loss of words she didn't let it show at all, but it was only logical that she was supposed to be able to conceal any reaction she wanted, after all, she was an ADA and concealing her emotions was part of her job. Casey closed the door and opened it again, now wide open and without the safety lock. She didn't say anything, just slowly moved aside and stared at a paralyzed Olivia, who then finally understood the indication and got inside the apartment with quick but soft steps.

Casey closed the door behind them as Olivia's eyes analyzed the room before her, thinking it managed to combine organization with messiness all at once. A few of the walls of the extended living room (twice the size of Olivia's living room, she noted) were taken by tall, large dark oak shelves, mostly filled with books of different kinds; on the lower spaces, by the television, there were a few souvenirs from different countries and miniatures of sculptures like the venus de milo; along this same line were a few photographs, about one fourth of them were landscapes, the other fourth were pictures of a smiling Casey standing in front of various beautiful places - nature was a very regular pattern in them, another fourth was divided between what seemed to be her with family members and childhood pictures, the last fourth had their frames faced down and a very thin layer of dust on top of them indicated they had been put down a while ago. Her sofa was shaped like an U and could accommodate about seven people, but in the present moment it accommodated one of the many stashes of paper that took over the entire living room, along with a diversity of law books and magazines, scattered across the floor, the small square dining table and even the balcony which divided that room from the kitchen.

"Please, sit down. I can clear up a place for you to sit here" she said, moving a stash of paper from the sofa.

"Oh, you don't have to go to the trouble, really". Olivia replied.

"It's okay, they needed to be moved sometime soon. Falling asleep on top of them was ruining my back anyway". Casey said in a mocking tone, her face congealed in a sad expression.

"So at least let me help". Olivia was lifting a bigger pile of paper even before Casey could debate over it. The ADA watched as Olivia carried pile after pile. She was agile, strong, but still elegant and graceful. Casey's sea green eyes followed the motions of Olivia's hips as if they were tidal waves, and she could feel them crashing in the fastened beats of her heart, that now also banged on her eardrums, taking her aback and making her need to hold onto the couch for safety.

"Are you feeling well?", she said, after leaving the last pile on a corner.

"I'm okay. Let's just... sit down".

She had ruled out her feelings for Olivia Benson as mere admiration and decided to not think about any possibility anymore a long time ago, despite the obvious body reactions she still experienced whenever she had gotten closer to the detective. But having Olivia here, in her house, changed everything. Specially after that paper judge Donnelly had given her. That had changed everything, even though she wasn't ready to admit or accept that yet.

"So...", she paused and cleared her throat as quietly as she could, "How have you been holding up? The captain didn't really explain to us what happened, but we had an idea".

"It is what you're thinking", Casey gave an off place laugher and Olivia noticed her eyes were already filled with tears, "At least I wasn't disbarred", she laughed again, hiding her face on her hands.

"They suspended you?". Olivia now moved closed to her, leaning her body forward and brushing a lock of hair away from her face, placing it behind her ear.

"Yes. They suspended me", she muttered to her hands.

"For how long, Casey?". The detective placed her hand on top of Casey's left hand, and that made her raise her head, wipe a few tears away and stare deep into the caring brown eyes that were aimed at her.

"Three years", her tone was more questioning than certain, and for a minute she thought she would break down right there, with those wonderful eyes staring at her, watching her crumble bit by bit.

Olivia didn't know what to say. She knew she couldn't tell the woman it was a short time, or that it would go by fast, because it wouldn't. But neither could she make more of a tragedy of it by emphasizing how lengthy the suspension was. In any other situation she would know what to do, if this was a victim she would know exactly what to say, and she never thought she would feel this lost and anxious because it was Casey Novak standing there, suffering in front of her. It was true that Casey had had an effect on her that Olivia herself didn't know how to describe or explain, or worse, what it meant. Or maybe she knew what it meant but didn't dare going into that place in her mind where the answer stood. All she knew for certain was that when she was with Casey, when she thought about her, she completely forgot about Elliot - sometimes it was as if he never had taken that weird, uncomfortable place in her mind and heart, and not only that but her heart beated faster than with Elliot, her body had a greater pull than with him, and when the three of them were together she just wish he didn't see her like she did. Olivia Benson was not the greatest of liars, even though her job required a whole lot of it, but she was certainly a master in the art of lying to herself, mostly lying by omission. She never stopped to actually think about her feelings about Elliot, or Casey - or even Alex, by that matter. Maybe if she had allowed herself to think she would understand why now, when Casey needed her the most, she couldn't find a single word of comfort to tell her. Maybe she would understand what drove her to not utter a word and simply hold Casey Novak closer, wrapping her arms around the curvy figure covered only by thin pajamas and making the space between them inexistent, unbreathable. Olivia didn't want to breathe in anything else but her now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the feedback! It was so much more than I expected! I really didn't see it coming! I am so happy this fic was appreciated, it's my little baby and it makes me so pleased to know it was liked. Here comes the second chapter, I hope you enjoy it! And, as always, the feedback is always welcomed :D

Casey Novak broke down wrapped around in Olivia Benson's arms.

Neither of them planned for this moment to happen but, without previous notice, they were embraced and still, Casey's soft sobs being the only thing that cut through the silence that surprisingly hung comfortably between them. Casey digged her fingertips through Olivia's jacket, grasping for yet more solid ground; her chin rested on the detective's shoulder and her lips were close enough to the other's neck to send shivers down Olivia's spine every time she sighed; a few of the tears streamed down the leather jacket, dripping down to a particular spot on the couch right behind where Olivia was sat; another set of tears slid down Casey's cheek, tracing a path through Olivia's neck and gathering in a puddle inside her under blouse, a warmness that matched Casey's breath.

They stayed that way for a moment, or maybe two. And they would have stayed like that longer if Casey Novak's rational mind didn't remind her this situation was ridiculous, she was a grown woman that had made a choice and had to pay for it, she didn't deserve to occupy Olivia's time with her hysterical and pointless cries, and she was making a fool of herself, to say the least. Casey moved away from the embrace, wiping her eyes and nose gently with the back of her pale hand. For a while she thought she could never look Olivia in the eye again, and she wished she could simply disappear from where she sat without any warning, like a magician. When that obviously didn't happen she ended up grinning to herself, face turned down, eyes focused on a random spot on her pyjamas.

"What is it?". Olivia asked her, in a rather confused tone.

"I'm just embarrassed, Olivia", she replied, grinning again despite her efforts to keep a straight face.

"Hey", the detective took Casey's chin on her palm and lifted her head up so they could see each other eye to eye, "You have nothing to be embarrassed of". Her tone was comforting but firm, and her brown eyes were now a shade lighter, as if they had a golden shine to them. "And you can call me Liv, you know?", she completed with a smile.

"What I did wasn't correct...", she paused and smiled subtly, "... Liv. It wasn't right. And it didn't even get us to win the case. The guy walked. And then...", she stopped and looked down again.

"Come on, Case. You can't possibly blame yourself for what Lake did". Olivia turned her head down and watched the other woman's even paler face change expressions.

"You know I can", she replied, still a little shaken by hearing that nickname she hadn't been called by for a long while being said so smoothly and by such adorable lips.You know I do, she thought.

"And I also know you shouldn't. Because Lake was way over his head from the start of that whole thing. And, looking back now, I think he meant to kill those guys regardless of the situation". Olivia held Casey's hands in between hers, cupping them slowly, appreciating the soft texture of Casey's hand and how it contrasted to her rough, rigid palms. She wondered what Casey was thinking, but she couldn't read nothing beyond pain. It would take a long time for her to heal, Olivia thought, and even longer for her to forgive herself.

"You're probably right, Liv. I know you are. It sounds very logic and everything. But I can't stop this feeling inside me, this feeling...", she paused, almost gasping for air, as she felt like she was drowning in her own words, thoughts and nightmares all at once.

"Is it guilt? This feeling?", Olivia tried to encourage her to keep on trying to talk, and firmly pressed her hands.

"Not exactly. Not like you're thinking, and that's the issue", Casey turned her face towards Olivia's, focusing her eyes on the other woman's lips, marking them as her safe spot, her beacon during this journey that was saying out loud what she felt, specially to a listener that spurred in her such a mix of uncontrollable feelings. "I don't feel guilty that I did what I did", her voice was now steady and for a second she almost believed she wasn't on the verge of tears anymore.

"You feel guilty because you feel what you did was for nothing", she dared to infer.

"Yes. I knew I couldn't win that case. Not with DNA that damaged and inconclusive. Warner flat out told me that, even though I tried to have her say otherwise", she sighed, shaking her strawberry blonde waves vehemently in disapproval of herself.

"You did what you felt you had to do. Not as an ADA, but as a person. As you", Olivia said, unconsciously moving even closer, leaving no space between her leg and Casey's.

"It makes me wonder what kind of a person I am". She now stretched her back and sunk deeper into the couch, neck resting on top of Olivia's arm, as she traced the lines on the ceiling with her eyes before turning back to her guest, who watched her attentively, brown eyes looking intrigued - if not amused.

"I've made similar choices too. And you wouldn't see me as a less than worthy person because of it, would you?", she paused briefly to absorb the soundless reply Casey's oceanic eyes gave her, "Don't be so hard on yourself, Case. I mean it".

"It's just...", she ran her tongue through her lips before compressing them into a thin line and letting out a deep, dry sigh, "... I shouldn't have made this choice if I can't handle its consequences". Casey could feel her face burning in shame. She felt completely ridiculous and childish for admitting that she had taken a dive without being sure of how to swim, and without expecting to drown."What the hell was I expecting?", she inquired herself. It dawned on her the full realization that she simply didn't think she was gonna be punished so harshly for that - and just from where this notion had popped up she had no idea - or that her plan wasn't gonna work. She relied too much on her self confidence, on her posture and on the department's name, and had the silly idea to believe that everything else would have to work just because the bad guys couldn't always walk away and he deserved to pay, or because that's what she so strongly believed in.

They stood still there for a while, silent, watching each other, hunting for words appropriate enough to cut through the thin veil that seemed to not only cover, but envelop them together. Olivia peeked outside the wide windows, now made visible by a gush of air that had sent the curtains floating,but only darkness could be seen. It was comforting, she thought. The night understood them, the night didn't judge them. For countless moments in her life she felt she belonged to the night - even though sometimes it scared her and reminded her of how much evil there was out there, because evil took advantage of the night - and in that moment she felt like Casey Novak belonged to the night as well, despite her previous thoughts of how glowing that woman, with her sea-filled eyes and her honey colored waves, looked when the sun kissed her skin.

"I'm sorry, Casey", Olivia said, in a whisper.

"I'm sorry too, Liv".


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm stopping here to thank you all again for all the wonderful feedback! I'm so very impressed that my writing has touched you and provided you a moment of enjoyment. Also I am glad that it sounded realistic enough (this is absolutely what I aimed for!). Well, without much further ado her is chapter 3, I hope you like it as much as the previous ones. We're halfway through our journey! - well, actually more than halfway. Always opened for feedback!!

Chapter 3

A single tear streamed down Casey's left cheek and before she could rescue it or turn her face to the other side Olivia caught it with her right thumb, caressing Casey's cheek as she slid her thumb up and dried it on a spot on the couch behind them. Almost immediately after she regretted such blunt and intrusive act of intimacy, shielding herself from her hostess gaze, that she could nevertheless feel burning in the back of her neck. She silently asked herself why Casey Novak made her do things she never expected herself to do and recollected the countless times she was "out of herself" when confronted by the woman's presence, wondering if she was indeed out of herself or actually completely immersed in her own element. Did she even want to know the answer to all her questions? Did she want to know why she had come to this apartment in the stillness of the midnight air instead of in a more appropriate occasion? Or was she ready to disclose to herself the real reasons why she had felt like coming all the way up here at this exact hour was so right, despite all her doubts?

Casey contemplated the sleek curve down Olivia's neck and although she wanted to know why Olivia had her face turned away she couldn't waste a second of that view, she wasn't ready to stop scrutinizing that firm shoulder line or the sharply cut edges of that perfectly shaped short hair, but what caught her eye the most was the jaw line - only partially visible from where she sat - clenched tightly in a way that highlighted the detective's sculpture-like bone structure. She was glad she couldn't be seen right now, for her face assumed a despaired expression, a result of a flood of thoughts and sensations that took over her body and mind, and mostly left her feeling confused and extremely uncertain of what her unexpected guest wanted when first ringing that door bell. Casey didn't doubt for a moment that Olivia was concerned about her well being - she knew Olivia and she knew what a caring person the NYPD detective was - but was she the only one here reading more into this whole visitation? Maybe I want more, she admited, Maybe I always did. She brushed away the thought with a head nod, deciding this was not the hour or the situation for that. Her head would have to stay where it was and her body would have to do her the favor of not pulling up any surprises. God knows she had already humiliated herself enough already, she didn't need to do that in front of Olivia. Breaking down was already embarrassment enough for that night.

"Liv? Is everything okay?", she held Olivia's wrist gently, hoping the touch wasn't too much.

"Yes, it is", her voice came out coarse, causing her to clear her throat quietly, "I spaced out a bit, I'm sorry".

"It's okay. I spaced out too. What were you thinking of?", she asked softly.

Silence made its presence known once again. Olivia gazed down at a random spot on her pants' leg and smiled delicately, that Olivia Benson "I'm not sure if I should say this" smile.

"You don't have to say it if you don't want to. I... I shouldn't have asked", Casey completed.

"It's alright. I just don't want to upset you, that's all", she said, sinking lower into the couch, in a position that now mirrowed Casey's and allowed her to be eye to eye with her hostess.

"You couldn't, Liv", she exhaled slowly, almost as if confessing it to a priest.

"I was just thinking about the future. In general, really... But of course it involves you", Olivia stated carefully.

"You already hate the new ADA?", her lips curled up in a smile but her eyes were on the verge of overflowing.

"Well, as a matter of fact, I do", Olivia lowered her head and frowned, "I don't hate her, but I didn't like her".

Her sentence sounded unfinished and Casey was in no hurry to interfere. They stared at each other meticulously, questioning, wanting, and extremely frightened, as if they were two little girls who've never seen the ocean, desperate to enjoy it, but afraid of throwing themselves into the unknown.

"And I miss you", she made a brief pause and quickly completed, "She doesn't understand SVU like you do".

"Well, I didn't either, in the beginning", she remarked, eyebrows raised, almost as if challenging Olivia.

"She doesn't understand us like you do. And I don't think she will", Olivia sighed and rubbed her nose harshly, "It's probably silly of me to say this, but it's hard on us too. I just wanted you to know that we miss you".

"It's not silly. It's very sweet of you. I miss you too... Everyone", Casey wiped away a tear and cleared her throat a little louder than she expected to.

"Yeah...", she bit her lip and prayed to heavens that she found a better thing to say, mentally cursing herself for forgetting everything she had planned on her path to this apartment.

"I was thinking about the future too, just now. I'm so afraid, Liv. I don't know what to do. I even said this to Elizabeth - as if the whole conversation I had with her wasn't shameful enough", Casey once again hid her face on her palms, but this time she was surprised by Olivia's hands moving hers away, and she couldn't help but to turn to the detective with questioning eyes, more shocked than irritated at the unexpected touch.

"I know you are, Case. But there's gotta be something that you can do... Maybe you could take a sabbatical?", she tangled her fingers with Casey's, as if stating that there was no need to hide and that she was right there, they would find a way out together.

"Why is she being this nice to me?", Casey wondered, but she didn't dare to question her luck or wish otherwise. She felt comfortable there, safe. Olivia lit up this place like it hadn't been for ages, and she was ready to enjoy every precious moment of it, even if it was just for a night.

"I thought about it, but I don't think I could spent a year without doing anything. I'm too restless for that", she smiled shyly, brushing the idea away as she waved her hand.

"I relate", Olivia smiled in sympathy, "Is there something you like to do? A hobby, or something like it?".

"Well...", she became silent and pensive, leaving Olivia unsure whether she was searching for something inside her mind or deciding whether or not to share.

Casey untangled her fingers from Olivia's and twisted her body on the couch, scanning her eyes on a wall a few feet behind from where they sat. Olivia couldn't help but to think of a large, elegant cat when Casey started moving, her widened brown eyes tracing the woman's graceful shoulders and gazing down the curved spine that rested on the large set hips, now lifted from their sit. This was the first time she had been fully aware of Casey Novak's body, the first time she was able to follow the curves with her eyes and memorize the pattern of her shapes and how her body moved, she was now able to think that not only Casey's face and chest were reminiscent of a renaissance marble statue, but her figure was also a part of that same essence.

"See those on the wall?", Casey pointed to the largest paintings on display.

This was the first time since her arrival that she noticed the various paintings hanging by the walls, all differently themed but mostly painted in dark colors, that matched the dark connotations they appeared to have. The ones Casey pointed to were the ones that attracted the eye the most, not only for their expanded size compared to the others, but because of the intensity of the colors and of the body expressions of the figures in them: the first one was lady justice standing alone by a beige background positioned like liberty on "Liberty Guiding The People" but, unlike the french painting, lady justice has her head forward, almost as if staring onto the horizon, the future, despite being blindfolded; the second one had a little girl in a red dress - a few rips noticeable in the ends of the dress - as its main figure, she is thrown to the floor in the middle of a rather consuming dark forrest with tall trees, near her there is a footprint and on the right upper corner one can catch a glimpse of a male's silhouette, apparently fleeing the place; on the left lower corner one can see blue and red lights (indicating sirens) and in plain view there is a female leg and torso in a running position, towards the girl; it's possible to see the woman's boot, pants and brown leather jacket, as well as a lock of short dark hair, by her position it's logic to assume she is coming to the little girl's aid and to catch the guy fleeing the scene.

"They're so intense", Olivia commented, eyes fixed and unable to stop looking at them, "Specially the second one, the one to the right".

"And the woman on the lower corner looks just like me", she felt like pointing out, but decided not to for a countless amount of reasons, embarrassment and fear of a negative reply being two of them.

"Yeah, I thought this one would catch your eye", she said, hoping Olivia didn't notice how her sentence gave out that she had already imagined how it would be if the detective ever visited this room.

"You painted these, Case?", now she stared deep into the waves of Casey's green eyes, thinking again how much she reminded her of a cat.

"I did. These two a while ago, actually". Casey wondered if she was indeed blushing or if the warmness on her cheeks was just embarrassment once again.

"Wow, Case", her expression matched the astonishment in her voice, "They're really incredible. What did you name them?".

"The first one is Lady Justice Guiding the People - not very original, I know. The second one is None Shall Pass, it's a provisory title, but I never found a better one", she said, placing a sliding lock of hair back behind her ear.

"I like it. They match the paintings. The second one..."; she paused, mouth half opened, bright eyes still focused on the frame hanging across the room.

"You look so lovely...", Casey thought.

"...I'm speechless, really. You're very talented", Olivia held the soft, pale hands again, now bringing them closer to her body, "Very talented, Casey. I'm sure you will find something to do in the meantime. It's not much, but you have my support, no matter what you choose to do", her voice was low, almost whispered.

"It's everything, Olivia. Thank you. Thank you so much", these were the only words she managed to say before her voice died and the tears came down in waterfalls down her cheeks again.

Olivia embraced her again, this time tighter, without any reservations or pleasantries, she grasped for Casey as if the tighter she pressed the safer she could make her feel, and she was proved to not be wrong in her assumption when she felt her jacket being pressed onto again, this time the fabric being pulled so vigorously that her under blouse no longer touched her back. After blanking out for a while Olivia came to realize that this moment wasn't only about Casey letting herself be or about Casey allowing herself to break down in her arms, this was also about Olivia allowing herself to give in, to suffer a loss, to let go of her "I can handle it" facade and just be there for someone without necessarily having to be a voice of strength or composure, that's when she realized that her eyes had been pouring in slow cascades ever since Casey showed her the two paintings, and that only with that embrace she had allowed herself to actually cry, silently, discreetly, but still, crying like she hadn't permitted her own eyes to in ages.

After what seemed like an eternity, but was probably able to fit inside twenty minutes, Casey abruptly stopped crying, hands unclenching from the black leather jacket that had been her fort throughout the night, her shallow breath coming out of her nose and mouth in slow warm waves that descended through Olivia's neck and parted in two ways, one inside the blouse and down her spine and another down her bosom, where the warmth calmly rested in between her breasts. Olivia inhaled Casey's scent, allowing it to consume her nostrils and overpower any other smell that could be present in the room, delighted, she smiled to herself and pushed away any questions that could cloud her mind and keep her from enjoying the serendipity of that moment. It was the most intimate contact she had had with anyone in months and she wasn't ready to let rationality get in the way of her seeing what would happen from it, she felt like the worst that could happen was that she supported a friend and got the ideas from a close situation, and that didn't sound as bad as just remaining afraid, excusing herself and walking away on Casey sounded. "Nothing happened. Nothing has to happen", she thought. But she didn't let herself know what "nothing" meant, or what composed the range of ideas she had in mind.

Casey broke off the embrace and started to tangle her fingers through her hair, massaging her own scalp in circles before brushing down the strands of hair, as if trying to compose herself one strand at a time. She avoided Olivia's stare by focusing her eyes on one of the baby pink dots on her oversized polka-dot pajama top, hands now occupied with smoothing the fabric of the carolina blue satin pajama pants and brushing off imaginary bits of dust from it, as if this was a very important task that needed to be attended to without fault. Her face was still twisted in a pained expression, a frown taking over her forehead, her delicate nose turned read from crying still running and her usual light pink lips now a shade away from red from being bitten so hard.

"Casey?", she inquired, wiping away her own tears, hoping it wasn't noticeable that she had been crying too.

"Yeah", she replied, still not looking up, but rather watching her own hands unbutton and button back the last button of her top.

"It's okay if you want to keep on crying", Olivia tried to sound as reassuring as she felt she could, "Do you want to cry?".

She sighed deeply and finally raised her head up, first glancing at the ceiling and making Olivia's attentive brown eyes her last stop.

"I'm tired of crying", she smiled sarcastically, looking almost as if she was tired and disgusted at herself, "All I've done is cry, ever since Donnelly gave me that goddamn paper. I almost started crying in front of her. I haven't stopped ever since".

She sighed once again, sinking her elbows on her thighs and burying her face on her hands, wanting to disappear - or wishing she never had existed in the first place. Olivia had gone all the way here, to help her, to show her support, and all she could do was cry and think the most inappropriate things possible. She wished she could just ignore all the signs her body sent about Olivia, just not think at all about how good she smelled even after a day's work, or how splendid she looked despite (and with) the whole chaotic world around her, or how she still managed to keep her softness against all odds, not wonder if Olivia's thoughts had ever been occupied by her when off duty, or if this feeling that burned deep inside her gut - and that now they were alone and unattached to each other became more intense - was worth pursuing or not. Remaining paralyzed was not a part of her repertoire of behaviors, but now that this tide of feelings swept away any logic or sense from her, being still was all she could do until the silence was broken.

"I understand", Olivia replied smoothly, "What do you want to do?", she completed.

Casey lifted her head up slowly,dropping her hands on her lap, and faced Olivia, staring deep into her eyes, with a completely fixed gaze. Olivia shivered, but nevertheless remained on the same position, not daring to move her eyes one inch away from the stare. "I wish you hadn't asked that", Casey thought.

"Right now?", her question was quickly answered with a nod, "This".

Moving closer to her, Casey carefully held Olivia's face on her hands, thumbs tracing through the half opened lips that seemed to mirror her own desire. "Can I?", she mouthed, breath so close the other woman could inhale it and claim it hers at that moment. "Yes", a coarse voice replied, unsure of how she was still able to speak.

Leaning in closer, Casey turned the space in between their lips into something inexistent, and Olivia savoured it slowly, body shivering as Casey's warm tongue found its way through her mouth as if it had always belonged there to begin with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves for the next chapter... #smut


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the positive response to my fic, it's been very very appreciated and fueled me to write much more. Sorry for the long gap in between chapters, I've had a lot going on and I ended up delaying Chapter 4. To those interested in knowing I already have some ideas in mind for other stories, that might come true, if inspiration finds its way into my clouded brain once again - which I hope happens soon! - and if the responsabilities allow me as well.
> 
> That being said, I'd like to let you know that this chapter has *sexual content* , so, read it at your own discretion... And enjoy it ;D
> 
> Please, please review!

Chapter 4

Olivia brushed her tongue against Casey's in circles as she dug her fingertips through the thin pajamas' fabric, desperately wanting to shed anything that stood in the way of her feeling the other woman's body. Faster than expected, Casey unzipped the thick leather jacket and slid it down Olivia's arms, landing it over one of the now fallen paper piles, she proceeded to place her hands on the detective's hips, bringing them closer and closer to hers until they moved along as one. "I can't wait until I get her naked", she thought, now not worrying about taming anything that went through her mind. Much to her dismay, she was suddenly overpowered by Olivia's larger frame on top of her, nailing her back to the couch, one leg in between her, knee almost moving close enough to make her moan. Olivia was unabated, as if she had been thirsty for Casey for years on hold and she had to grasp her chance to quench it with her teeth - which she realized was in fact the truth. She kissed her passionately, not holding back anything, and without any further delay she glided her lips down Casey's neck, settling a few kisses on her bosom, but before she could reach for the pajamas' buttons Casey pushed her body away and reached for her under blouse sweater, undressing her quickly and tossing it to the floor even quicker, leaving her purple bra and her swollen breasts in plain view. Olivia unconsciously licked her lips and reached for the first unopened button, but before she could finish it a pale, long hand rested on hers.

"Hey, how about we take this to the bedroom? Much more comfortable in there", she said with a smirk on her face.

"Alright", Olivia smiled shyly before rising up and helping her get up as well.

"Come here", Casey grabbed her by the waist, "You're so beautiful, Liv".

Casey kissed her smile and guided her body across the living room and through the corridor, resting her hands inside Olivia's pockets and occasionally giving the buttocks a gentle press. None of them bothered to turn the lights on, so the only thing illuminating the room besides a few spots behind the curtains was the thin light that shined from the living room, only enough to cast shadows of their moving bodies across the walls. Laying her lover's back on the bed, Casey sat on top and dominantly unclasped the belt, throwing it somewhere out of her way, and unbuttoned the pants, being stopped midway down the zipper when Olivia raised herself up to a sitting position and, pulling her closer by the hips, continued her task of opening the pajamas' buttons until the very end when she remained still, contemplating the sight of Casey's bare breasts, with nipples already hardened.

"You're gorgeous, Case. I'm now even more certain", she smiled before brushing her lips down the woman's belly, kissing just above the pant line.

"I wanna see all of you, Liv. I'm dying for that".

Her hands worked their way up Olivia's back and in no time she unclasped the bra open.

"Wow", the detective said, in a whisper.

Her lips trailed down Olivia's neck, burning it with soft kisses, harder kisses, almost bites kisses. She slid down the skin tight pants and allowed her own pants to be removed before resting her body on top of the detective's and kissing her lips, exploring her mouth, pushing and pulling, enrolling the two of them in passionate, wanting kisses that seemed to connect their mouths, brains and hearts together - along with that lustful pulsating spot down below that just longed to be touched. Olivia's fingers got lost in the waves of Casey's hair, while her other hand effusively grasped for the woman's hips as she mirrowed their moves with her own hip moves, rushing her legs against Casey's soft skin, but before she could do anything else she felt the warm saliva trail sliding down her neck, stopping on her chest, where Casey focused her mouth.

Careful hands tucked Olivia's breast gently, while a firm tongue explored the hardened nipple, circling it in continuous and vigorous motions, sucking and biting the tip slowly. Olivia didn't know what turned her own more: her body being handled so perfectly, as if a well tuned guitar played by an award winning musician; or Casey's delighted expression by pleasing her, a full face smile still visible even with her eyes closed and mouth at work. Hand gradually making its way down the detective's body, Casey now reached exactly what she was aiming for, and for the first time in that night - or, better, ever since they had known each other - she heard Olivia completely lose control, parted lips letting out a loud moan that seemed to come out from deep inside her throat.

"Come on, Case, don't tease me", she almost begged.

"And what do you want me to do?", Casey asked, sliding her hand up and down inside the woman's panties again.

"Just...", she paused, swallowing so hard she thought she would choke. Olivia could almost feel herself blush, only the desire to feel Casey on her speaking louder than her embarrassment. "Do me", she said in a whisper.

"Oh", Casey was taken aback by such a direct answer and for a second she felt her mind go blank, but it wasn't long until she found the perfect Casey Novak reply, "Your wish is my command, detective".

Lowering her body and fitting herself in between Olivia's legs, she nonchalantly removed the underwear, enjoying the woman's desperation for the introductions to be over and not keeping a straight face about it. She tossed her hair to the side and arched her back, moving yet closer to Olivia's sex.

"You know I aim to please", she completed, before holding her steady by the hips and diving her tongue inside Olivia.

She couldn't breathe, she couldn't feel anything else but the warmness of Casey's lips exploring her labia, spreading the folds apart and finding its way through her, in her. Casey's relentless tongue circled out before engaging in multiple shallow penetrations, all of them responded with a combination of sighs and moans in a crescendo - to Olivia's own surprise. She continued moving, now in a faster pace, holding her lover by the buttocks and bringing her as close as she possibly could, wanting to not only taste but savor Olivia Benson. Encouraged by a soft pleased cry, Casey slowly slipped one finger inside her and when she was met with lip-biting eagerness she slipped in a second one, coordinating hand and mouth motions as she blissfully sucked onto Olivia's clit while thrusting her fingers inside and out, in a rhythm established by Olivia's own swinging hips.

The golden locks were spread through her belly and sliding down her thighs, and all she could see of Casey were the pale eyelids contrasted by long lashes and her thin porcelain-like nose, but looking further behind Olivia could catch a glimpse of the woman's curvy butt and curled feet, twirling in the air as she arched her back and dived once again face into Olivia. Casey was unabated, and Olivia couldn't get enough of it, despite her fears of moaning too loud or even giving into her wishes to just scream. Olivia's left hand reached for the bedcover, twisting it through her fingers, focusing all of her control on that single spot. Casey's free hand clutched her by the waist and she topped it with her own, lacing the woman's wrist with her fingers and pressuring it deeper on her skin. She wanted Casey to take her, to grab her and claim her, like she never wanted anyone else to take her before. She had never wanted to give herself to anyone like this before, she had never been able to give herself like this before, not even when she planned to give herself - unlike what had happened on this night. Some people she had wanted to have, few people she had wanted to have her, but it dawned on her that she was probably only ever gonna be able to be had by Casey Novak. Her body became taut like a guitar string and, like one, it began to tremble softly and more intensely at each touch. Unable to restrain her reactions any further she unclasped her fingers from their locked position and placed her hands on Casey's head, bringing it closer to her, thrusting her hips against Casey's tongue before grasping for the bed covers again, sighing heavily.

Casey moved her fingers even faster before sliding them off and raising her head up, bright greenish eyes overwhelming Olivia's with their intensity.

"Liv", her deep voice whispered softly into the night, "Let go".

Casey's rigid tongue lunged into her deeper than it had gone before, and Olivia melted on her mouth with a throaty moan.

Mind clouded by desire and body still shaken by the breathtaking orgasm, the detective opened her eyes to find a smiling Casey staring at her, chin and cheek resting on her belly.

"Move. My turn", she said firmly.

"What?", her eyes widened.

"I said...", Olivia paused, holding Casey by the waist and rolling her to the side with a quick move, climbing on top of her, "My turn".

"Are you sure?", her voice was uneven, throat closing in each time Olivia's lips lowered further down her chest, "I'm not sure you have done this before and you don't have to feel like you have to...".

"Shhh", the long and slender finger teased Casey's lips, and for a second she almost felt like sucking it.

Olivia suddenly raised her body up, stopping quickly at her lover's ear.

"I want to taste you", she whispered. "No, I need to taste you".

Casey felt the hot flash and the dampness in between her thighs intensify and before she could think of anything she felt her panties sliding down her legs and being tossed onto the floor, and as she almost silently said a shy "Alright" a gentle hand tugged onto her breast right as Olivia's mouth met her inner lips. At the mere touch of the heated tongue on her clit she let out a thick, loud moan - almost a relieved cry.

"Woah there, tiger", Olivia joked.

"Sorry", she giggled, blushing immediately.

"Sounds like you need more", she stated before going down again.

Olivia explored Casey's labia slowly, savouring every little curve along her way inside, amazed at how incredible she tasted and how wonderful it was to feel Casey's delicate flesh pulsating against her tongue, contracting and expanding, allowing her in - almost as if begging for her to come in. She couldn't believe she had missed on that sensation for so long and right now she didn't understand how she managed to live without having it in her life. It felt as if that's where she belonged, with Casey, inside Casey. Mostly, she couldn't believe she had missed on that symphony of moans and sighs and exasperated cries combined with the tortured and wanting expressions the woman made. She wished it was possible to capture that moment so perfectly as it happened, with all its various shades of reds: from her bitten lips to her inner lips; with all its remarkable scents: from her warm sex to her sweaty hands grasping for Olivia's shoulders; with all its diverse textures: from the velvety vagina to the thick bed sheets.

Finding her own pace, she reached her way in each time deeper, causing Casey to arch her back whenever an spasm reached her body, following Olivia on the dance as she rocked her hips closer and further apart. A drop of sweat dripped in between her breasts and she could feel Olivia's twirling tongue sending her closer to paradise one step at a time. Olivia Benson knew exactly what to do, where to touch her - and most importantly how to touch her - to get her juices flowing on maximum intensity, and although for a moment she felt absolutely vulnerable over the fact this person she had secretly wanted and lusted over for so long knew exactly how to play her (had Olivia ever though about touching her? Or did the knowledge and expertise come so naturally as if she had been literally aware of Casey's desires from the second they laid eyes on each other?), right now she just felt like the luckiest woman alive. Olivia cautiously penetrated her with two fingers, deciding to keep on increasing the speed as the sighs became more constant. Casey dug her fingertips down Olivia's scalp, massaging it carelessly as she lost herself to the fervor that ran through her nerves and up her spine, clouding all her thoughts until her mind was blank and she couldn't think of anything else but of Olivia.

Unable to keep her mouth away from Casey's vibrating flesh, Olivia retracted her fingers and lunged down, vigorously sucking onto the swollen clit, while watching a panting Casey struggling with words.

"Holy mother of god, Liv", she cried before ferociously reaching paradise at Olivia's lips.


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, dear readers, this is the final chapter of our journey. I'd like to thank everyone that has feedbacked this story so far (especially the reviewers, you guys give me life), it really means a lot to me. It's been a great experience for me, sharing my fic (despite the usual bitterness over this ship not being as appreciated as others in the fandom *sad face*), and it's thanks to you. I hope it has been a pleasant read and that it's brightened your days, even if only a little. I'd love for you all to comment on it, and tell me if you'd like to read other of my stories. Thank you for reading! Cannot wait for the feedback!

Chapter 5

Warm bodies laid to rest on the fine thread cotton sheets: legs tangled together, arms taking hold of each other, pale and olive skin contrasting side by side, long blonde-reddish hair merging along with short chocolate brown hair. Casey kissed Olivia's smiling lips, smelling their sex along their kiss, and to her nothing tasted or smelled better than that right now. Olivia was an unexpected gift delivered at the most confusing time of her life, when everything she had dedicated her life to seemed to be collapsing and she no longer had a sense of solid ground above her feet. When she was sure she had lost everything - herself included - this wonderful woman knocked at her door and reminded her of the wonderful things that could be lived and that despite the fact she'd have to face ruins and live amongst them, life was still worth living.

"What's inside that pretty head of yours?", she inquired, with a giddy smile.

"I was thinking that I'm glad I answered the door", Casey joked.

"Oh, really?", Olivia pushed her shoulder gently.

"Really", she said with a laugh. "Ouch!", she faked a cry.

"Come on, tell me".

Olivia sat up on the bed, motioning Casey to come closer to her and lay down on her lap. She played with the long locks, appreciating their smoothness and shine - despite the lack of illumination inside the room, inhaling the sweet smell of her shampoo and mentally filing it under her "new favorite smells" directory. Soft, caring lips brushed across Casey's forehead, pausing for a little peck on her nose (which caused her to giggle like a schoolgirl) and finally a long, sweet, loving kiss.

Casey cleared her throat and silently searched for a signal in her lover's eyes, those warm, passionate, understanding brown eyes she had so long ago become devoted to.

"I was thinking about what we were talking. Before, you know", she paused, "We hit the sheets".

Olivia laughed quietly and shook her head.  _"God, she's so lovely"_ , she thought.

"About the future. What to do and all that", she finished.

"I understand it, honey...", Olivia sighed, wanting to do more, wishing she could just burst into the authorities' rooms and demand they give her job back.

"I was also thinking about that painting, by your left", she pointed out.

Olivia now noticed a small painting hanging by the bedside table, it depicted a naked woman sat on a pond: all that was visible of her was her long fiery red hair and her pale bare back, down to the soft curved waist and to the wide set hips, everything below was covered by the dark green water that remained still, a glimpse of her profile was visible, the rounded chin and thin, delicate nose; behind her a thick forrest concealed the sky, leaving one unsure if it was daytime or nighttime inside that parallel world.

"It's beautiful. Very enigmatic, I shall say", she concluded.

"This one isn't mine", Casey stated.

"I noticed. It's different from the others. Not completely different, but I could see you didn't paint it. Who did it?", now Olivia was watching her and caressing her head tenderly, lovingly.

"My ex fiancée. He used to paint. He was very gifted. He used to paint a lot during his episodes. Actually that's when his most intriguing paintings would be made, when he was spiralling out of control", she swallowed so hard Olivia was afraid she would choke, "This was one of the last ones he ever made", she paused, shaking her head and correcting herself, "That I know of, of course. There were probably many more after I left", she paused again, now for a longer time than before. "He had a very good eye, as you can see. And I don't need to say that that's me on the painting, it's quite clear, he even got my moles and scars right", again she swallowed an imaginary thing on her throat, while Olivia visualized the very minimal details of Casey's body, pleased she got to know them. "He's the one who got me into painting, you know. I didn't even know I was capable of it until he motivated me to start and continue practising it", she paused again, shaking her head once more but now effusively, her face turned up in an angry expression, "God, what am I saying. I am talking in circles here, saying nothing meaningful at all. You must think I don't even have a point here".

"I know you have a point, Case. And I know it's hard for you to talk about it. Don't be so hard on yourself. Take your time, I'm listening, I'm here", she whispered, before softly kissing Casey's lips and completing, "And I'm not going anywhere".

"Thank you, Liv", Casey smiled shyly, "Anyway, I started to really enjoy painting as a hobby - it helped take the stress out of the last year of law school and it allowed me to explore a lot of things that were quite different from what I did - and he was very excited over it too. Then he stopped taking his medication, the breakdowns became more frequent and I had no idea what else to do, you know. And you know how the rest went as well", she sighed and wiped a stray tear, "This was the only one I kept, eventually. It took a long time before I was able to touch a brush again. I have to confess working for SVU helped me a lot with that. Then, when I got the news he had died... it became hard again", the tears were now free falling and Olivia wiped them gently, "I know that you may be thinking that it's his memory or something like it that makes painting hard for me, but it isn't even that... It's the fact that he captured me so well, my features, my expressions, the look in my eye... And I walked away on him, as if he were less deserving than all those people that I defend everyday. And when I think of that, when I am reminded of that, I am afraid. I am afraid that I am that person that he captured so well. I am afraid I will always be that person", she stopped and then smiled sarcastically, "And that just sucks, because I love painting, I love being able to portray the things that move me, but when I am reminded of all that I see a brush and I am afraid", she finished, kissing Olivia's hand as it caught another stream of tears.

"I am so sorry that what I mentioned brought this all back to you, Casey...", she said in a whisper.

"Oh, no, please don't be. It's okay. You didn't know and you were right. I should practise more my hobbies - I haven't played softball in ages", Casey smiled.

"You're not that person, Case. You're not, believe me. And you didn't walk away on him, like I told you, you had to save yourself. You couldn't stay in a relationship like that, and it probably wasn't your place to help him. Not everyone can be helped like that, as much as we want to. You were young, things were different. You can't blame yourself for what happened then, and you can't live on punishing yourself for it now. You don't deserve this". Olivia's voice was soft, heartfelt, her hands were firm and comforting.

Casey's eyes poured quietly once again, but now her heart wasn't disturbed as it had been before, it beated calmer and her breath mirrowed it, becoming more steady each time she inhaled the still night air.

"I can't thank you enough, Liv. For it all. Caring, listening, being here. I'm really grateful", she said, wrapping her arms around her lover's neck and bringing her further down for a warm kiss.

"I'm really grateful you answered the door", Olivia replied, causing the both of them to bust with laughter while rolling over each other, tangled in the thick soft sheets.

They now laid face to face, gazing at each other's eyes and counting the stars inside each other's galaxies.

"I want to start painting again. Maybe I'll paint you", Casey suggested teasingly.

"I know I will be honoured", Olivia smiled and winked at her.

"Although that's hardly what I'd call plans for the future, at least it's something", her voice tensed up, forehead curled in a frown.

Olivia held her by the waist and brought her skin to skin, resting her arm behind Casey's back in a protective motion. She brushed a lock of reddish hair away from the other woman's face and ran her fingertips through the soft, full, pink lips, laying a feather soft kiss on them.

"We'll think of something, darling. We'll think of it together. We'll figure something out. I'm by your side. I know you're worried, I know you're afraid and I know the future seems so dark, but let's leave the future where it belongs for now", she paused, caressing Casey's chin, her sparkling brown eyes focused on her new found lover,  **"And let's just stay right here where we belong".**


End file.
